-My lost hero..

• An angel in heaven watching me from above.. Coping with Loss, The loss of a loved one..
  This one is for you..

THE ROSES CAME BUT THEY TOOK YOU AWAY..

Mere piyaray aur khubsorat insaan,

No matter how much I pray, cry, and scream, you will never come back.. When cancer takes the life of someone you love..

Dear Allah Talaa, My heart is hurting.. You love him more indeed.. He is in a better place and I know he is up there watching me..

I remember losing you like it was yesterday.. The way my whole world stood still and I couldn’t breathe.. I couldn’t feel.. My whole body was numb.. My heart was numb.. I couldn’t process losing you.. Watching you lay there, lifeless.. You never wanted me to see you like that, but I did and I’m so sorry that it had to end that way.. But the thing is, I couldn’t feel you.. I wanted so desperately to feel you wrap your arms around me or show me that everything would be okay.. You didn’t.. You were just gone and I didn’t have the chance to hug you.. Since that day, my world hasn’t been the same.. I haven’t been the same.. How could I be the same person I was before I lost half of my heart? Of course I’m not the only one that’s lost a close one, but no one warned me about all the pain and suffering that comes with it.. Or how it doesn’t end.. It keeps going on and on forever and ever.. One second I think I’m doing okay, then I remember everything and I break down all over again.. It’s a never ending cycle.. Some days it’s bearable and others I scream at the top of my lungs begging for you back.. Death changes you.. It changes your life.. It changes everything.. And there’s never coming back from that..
I reflect on the fact that so many beautiful souls on this earth are taken away from us by this overwhelming disease..

But even without you physically here, you’re still teaching me things along the way.. I’m finally at peace with myself, Allah, and everything in between.. I’m finally content and happy.. The pain, oh it’s never ending, but somehow I bear with it and keep moving forward.. The only reason why is because of you.. Because you push me, harder and harder everyday.. Even if I fall, you’re right there to catch me and pick me up again.. You remind me of the life I was blessed with and the places I still have yet to go.. You remind me to keep going and to not give up.. I’ve tried giving up and you won’t let me.. The toughest year of my life has been the biggest learning experience and luckily, I’m never alone.. You’ve made sure of that.. I might never understand why, but I know you’re right next to me every step of the way.. And I can’t thank you enough for that.. Love never dies, it simply evolves.. In our hearts, we all know that death is a part of life..
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For every person out there who is dealing with the loss of a loved one.. I understand your pain, I’ve been through it.. It is one of the most unimaginable pains you can ever feel.. This quote is for the ones who have lost a loved one, whether it’s a friend, a partner, a lover, or relative.. I cannot promise you that it will get easier, every loss holds a different amount of pain.. Some learn to mask it and move on just for the sake of their sanity.. Some hold onto their loss for a very very long time, taking themselves back to when it happened and how it happened, they’re almost repeating the moments in their mind.. Dealing with loss isn’t something that you will truly get over.. You will eventually learn to just live with it, certain smells or places will bring all the memories back.. I think the loss of a loved one is the most excruciating life changing.. Experiences that will change you as a person.. I think the hardest thing you will change you as a person.. I think the hardest thing you will have to overcome is knowing that you cannot turn back the time and make things better.. You have to remember them for what they were accept that you are reunited with them one day.. When you are faced with a loss, it breaks your heart and tears your whole world apart and shreds every piece of hope that resided in your heart.. Losing someone is a journey you will always be recovering from.. Whether it happened a year ago, a month ago or a week ago, it will still feel raw and it will still hurt.. You just get used to the pain and hold onto the memories of them.. I miss you.. !! I hope there comes a day when cancer is just a zodiac sign.. I’ll grieve forever.. I will always love and miss you, With every passing day.. The longing just to see you, Will never go away..
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I miss you even more today because it’s been 18. years since I heard your voice, heard your laugh, told you I love you and held your hand.. Even though I can no longer hear your voice, I still see your face and I can feel your love.. You’re still with me, in my laughter, my smile, my tears and in my writing..
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Life is hard without you.. May Allah bless your soul and send light to your grave..
Ameen..
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Love never dies, it simply evolves..

Thank you for all the laughs and smiles.. May Allah bless your soul, have mercy on you and grant you on the highest rank in Jannah..

I love you the most..

Yours’s ever-loving beta..